How to stay afloat when everything feels so heavy
It’s no secret that things have been extremely challenging within this past year. We are having collective trauma thrown at us on a daily basis that some of us may feel completely detached in some moments and overwhelmed and flooded by in the next. How are we supposed to survive when we feel like we’re drowning and have no control?
Here is what I’m going to call my personal “holy trinity” of staying grounded in the midst of chaos:
Community
Hobbies, interests
Gratitude
I know, I know…so boring. I don’t have a magical answer to this, I don’t think any of us do. However, when I have started to find myself hopeless alongside my clients, I have always been reminded of those three things: community, common ground, and gratitude.
Community - I had a moment the other day when I was running a group and we talked about how powerful the queer community is - a true force to be reckoned with. I have seen people, my clients, my friends - all reaching out, connecting with other queer people and connecting those people to resources. Regardless if you’re queer, community and connection is what keeps us sane and helps us survive. Text one of your friends to check in. Let people know you care about them. We carry each other through this.
Hobbies and interests - seems like a basic answer, I get it. “How can I enjoy my hobbies when the world is falling apart?” I hope you truly hear me when I say this: you are allowed to experience joy while also acknowledging the world is falling apart. There can be joy in the grief. It’s challenging to hold both. When I feel like I have no control, I play bass. I repot my plants or put my hands in some dirt. I watch reality tv, I try to stay distracted. I write, I play silly games on my phone instead of doomscrolling. It’s not the cure-all solution, but it helps.
Gratitude - I don’t expect anyone, even myself, to create a list of 20 things they’re grateful for every single day of the week. It’s hard to find the glimmers in the midst of a shit-storm. I am with you. Something I try to do each day is list or reflect on at least 5 things I’m grateful for. Typically, that list then grows, and grows, and grows each day the more I practice/think about gratitude with intention. Today, I’m feeling most grateful for my wife, my dogs, Waffle House at 10pm, Summer House (a reality tv show), and my family. Be basic - this doesn’t have to be some big “thing” to be grateful for. Look for the small glimmers - they are there if we search intentionally. Find gratitude in sweet treats and a meal you cooked for yourself. Or had delivered. Or both!
I know - I don’t have a perfect answer. I don’t think anyone does. What we are witnessing is narcissism on the greatest scale I have seen in my lifetime.
My survival guide:
focus on what you can control
find small pockets of joy or hope - sometimes they are hard to find, but if we look hard enough, it’s there
focus on the good people you have in your life - have some check ins with friends, schedule calls with your gal pals, do what you gotta do. Play some D&D or binge watch a show
stay distracted - you are not a terrible person if you need to be off the frontlines of this
you protecting your peace and taking space from being active on social platforms DOES NOT EQUAL you not caring or feeling concerned about what is happening in the world
protect your peace - if you gotta delete that homophobic uncle off your FB account, do what you gotta do. If you wanna delete all of it, do it!
Again, no magic wand, no magic answer. Just a therapist and a queer human also trying to survive.
My heart is with everyone as we navigate this collective trauma together.
I have so much hope in the communities I belong to and I see them working hard to connect with others every single day.
Please take care and be kind to yourself - especially now. We don’t need anymore hatred than is already being thrown our way! Silly goose!
Sending my love from North Carolina to everywhere else,
Jay
