Therapy for Eldest Daughters & Siblings

A picture of three children outside

Roles the Eldest Sibling Typically holds within the family:

  • The peacekeeper

  • The mediator

  • The family therapist

  • The “responsible” one

  • The overachiever

  • The golden child

  • The lost child or the “invisible” child

Have you been feeling exhausted emotionally from being the family peacekeeper?

Feeling hypervigilant, anticipating others’ needs before your own?

Feeling selfish for asking for what you need?

Do you identify as the parentified child and feel like you need to hold the family system together?

Do you feel like you’re the “third” parent?

At Janicki Holistic Healing, we provide trauma-informed care for folx who identify as the eldest daughter, son, or sibling in their family system.

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What do you mean, therapy for Eldest daughters and siblings?

Being the eldest in a family system can be a lot for a person and can come with additional, unique roles and responsibilities. Birth order tends to play a big role in family systems, especially dysfunctional family systems. As eldest daughters/siblings themselves, Melanie & Jay bring a unique perspective from their lived experiences in working with their clients in individual and group therapy.

If you are the eldest sibling in your family, you may feel like you have to be the peacekeeper, caretakers, rescuers, and “fixers”. You may feel like you have to be “the rock” for your family system. Being the eldest in the family system can create almost a ripple-effect in other relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic.

Some experiences, feelings, and characteristics of eldest siblings:

Feeling like you can’t lean on others

Feeling selfish for self-care or detaching from the family

Guilt surrounding boundary-setting

Hyper-independence and hyper-responsibility

Feeling like there are things that you need to carry that aren’t yours

Doing most of the emotional labor in the family system

Caretaking or being the assigned caretaker for the family or a family member

Constantly anticipating others’ needs and prioritizing them over your own

Difficulty asking for what you need from others, even when they offer to help

If this sounds like you, know that you’re not alone. We are here to help.

Schedule a free call here! 
Our favorite quote:

“It is the fate of every eldest child to become their sibling’s cartographer. Testing boundaries. Stepping on mines. Planting signs that say ‘stop, danger ahead’. There is a quiet, unacknowledged bravery in navigating that terrain mapless. Did they ever thank you for the cheat sheet? It would be funny if it didn’t feel so unfair.”

-Annie Sorden